The Loneliness Epidemic: The Cost of Chronic Disconnection
- Peter Wong
- May 5
- 5 min read
Updated: May 25
The COVID lockdown, in its earliest days, was many an introvert’s dream. I have a government-sanctioned excuse not to see anyone for a few weeks?! Sweatpants were eagerly pulled on, PlayStations powered up, thumbs at the ready for hours of doom scrolling. Weeks turned into months, and the bliss of hermit living began to fade. Another feeling started to take its place: loneliness.
Loneliness is a complex sensation. Some people describe it as a subtle ache in the chest—not quite pain, but it sure isn’t peace. Others describe it as a yearning, a pang to share a special moment with someone. Sometimes it feels like being untethered, unseen and forgotten by the world around you.
The worst of the pandemic is behind us, but the years of isolation and distancing have cost us a piece of ourselves. As a society, we may be as lonely as we’ve ever been—and we’re finding out that it comes with a real cost.
Loneliness: A Health Epidemic?
Over the last ten years, researchers have made major strides in understanding the health consequences of loneliness—and the findings are sobering.
One influential 2015 meta-analysis looked at over 3.4 million people and found that lacking strong social relationships was associated with a 26–32% increased risk of early death¹. The study’s lead author, Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, compared the health impact of chronic loneliness to well-known risks like obesity and smoking—not to sensationalize, but to help policy-makers take it seriously.
Former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy went so far as to call loneliness a public health epidemic², warning that it poses a significant risk to both individual and collective well-being. Our need for connection is not a luxury—it's a biological imperative.
“Our need for connection is not a luxury—it’s a biological imperative.”
And yet, loneliness is incredibly common. Even before the pandemic, rates were climbing. One in five Canadians reported feeling lonely often or always². And it’s not limited to any one demographic—young adults, parents, older adults, caregivers, even those surrounded by people can feel deeply alone.
The Physical Toll of Loneliness
In a society that preaches self-sufficiency, it’s easy to forget that, like many mammals, we humans are a deeply social species. Imagine watching a wildlife documentary and seeing a lion shunning its pride or a dolphin isolated from its pod and thinking, “Boy, that’s a well-adjusted animal!” No way! At the neurobiological level, we are wired for connection³.
When we feel isolated, our nervous system gets the signal that we might be unsafe. Stress hormones rise. Sleep worsens. Inflammation increases. Over time, this chronic stress can impact the brain, the heart, and even immune function⁴.
Recent research has linked long-term loneliness to:
Increased risk of cognitive decline and dementia⁵
Higher rates of depression and anxiety
Elevated blood pressure and cardiovascular disease
Reduced resilience to everyday stress
It’s not that loneliness causes these conditions directly—it’s that our bodies are deeply relational. When we feel emotionally alone for too long, we begin to fray at the seams.
What’s Keeping You Isolated?
If loneliness is such a fundamental human pain, why is it so hard to move toward connection? For some, the issue isn’t a lack of opportunity—it’s a deep sense of emotional risk. We develop anxieties about rejection, being a burden, or not belonging. And often, we carry quiet stories inside us that sound like:
“Everyone else already has their people.”
“She’s just being nice. She doesn’t really want to talk to me.”
“I should be able to figure this out on my own.”
Some of us are convinced from past experiences that relationships simply aren’t fulfilling, and we’d much prefer our work, social media feeds, and entertainment systems.
These stories shape how we move through the world. They keep us from replying to that text, showing up to the invite, from opening up when someone asks how we are. Over time, they reinforce the belief that disconnection is safer and more rewarding than rejection. Add to that the pace of modern life—overwork, digital overwhelm, chronic stress—and you get the perfect storm of emotional isolation.
Dealing With Loneliness
So you’re lonely. You’re aware that it’s there, you’ve acknowledged that it’s an issue, and that’s already half the work. What now? Each individual’s journey is different, but here are some practical tips that may help you to get reconnected:
Focus on Existing Relationships. Re-establishing emotional connection in your existing relationships is often much easier than creating new ones. Often, we lose touch for good reason (i.e., someone moved away, life got busy, you got into a bit of a tiff and nobody repaired). Sometimes, those reasons are no longer relevant and you’re literally a text message away from re-establishing a meaningful connection. No, you don’t need an excuse to message an old friend. You don’t need to wait until Facebook tells you it’s their birthday. Just drop a line. Chances are, they’ll just be happy to hear from you.
Focus on Proximity and Convenience. Focus on friends that you can see on a regular basis without too much of a hassle. Frequency of contact is important when tackling loneliness. Make a coffee buddy at work, strike a conversation with the other parents you see at the park, or send over a rack of ribs to your neighbour next time you fire up the smoker. These small water cooler conversations and after-school park hangouts may not carry the emotional depth of intimate relationships, but they can go a long way.
Join a Pro-Social Hobby. Common interests are the easiest way to start new friendships. Take a leap, join a club! Swallow your pride and go embarrass yourself by trying something new—preferably something that inherently lends itself to physical and emotional connection. Check out the local improv club. Sign up for salsa dancing lessons. Join a jiujitsu gym and grapple someone to the ground.
Consider Seeing a Therapist. Sometimes the root of loneliness is complex. Maybe the idea of getting back out there triggers a strong anxiety. Maybe you’ve been putting yourself out there but nobody seems to want to hang out. Or maybe you’re surrounded by loving friends and family but you still feel lonely. At this point, it may be worth unpacking with a professional.
A Final Thought
We were never meant to do life alone. That ache of loneliness isn’t needy; it’s wisdom. It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it should be doing—reaching out for connection. You don’t need a massive overhaul to start feeling better. Just one safe moment, one honest conversation, one person who gets it—that’s enough to begin.
Want Support in Reconnecting?
Getting back out there can be intimidating, and sometimes the issues that stop us from feeling connected can run a little deeper. At Therapy Grove, we’d love to help you make sense of your situation and walk alongside you as you figure out how to get connected again.
Works Cited
Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Baker M, Harris T, Stephenson D. Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2015;10(2):227-237. doi:10.1177/1745691614568352
Office of the Surgeon General (OSG). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. Washington (DC): US Department of Health and Human Services; 2023.
National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. Social Isolation and Loneliness in Older Adults: Opportunities for the Health Care System. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press; 2020. doi:10.17226/25663
Hawkley LC, Cacioppo JT. Loneliness matters: a theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Ann Behav Med. 2010;40(2):218-227. doi:10.1007/s12160-010-9210-8
Cacioppo S, Capitanio JP, Cacioppo JT. Toward a neurology of loneliness. Psychol Bull. 2014;140(6):1464-1504. doi:10.1037/a0037618
Leigh-Hunt N, Bagguley D, Bash K, et al. An overview of systematic reviews on the public health consequences of social isolation and loneliness. Public Health. 2017;152:157-171. doi:10.1016/j.puhe.2017.07.035
Photo by Inspa Makers on Unsplash
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