High-Performing Women Burning Out During Perimenopause (Part 1)

By Michelle Bird, RP(Q) at the Therapy Grove

One of the cruellest things someone ever said to me was, “It’s not that hard.” It sounds like a simple statement, but at that time in my life, it stung. I was leaving a spin class, proud of myself for having made the time to exercise, when a casual acquaintance asked if I would be there next week. I told her that I couldn’t, as I had a pressing work deadline. She looked at me reproachfully and said: “Most of us are busy, but if fitness is a priority, you make the time. It’s not that hard.”

The Weight of Invisible Expectations

I felt off for the rest of the day, but I didn’t fully understand why. Sure, it was a slightly rude thing to say, but why was I letting it bother me so much?

That evening, around 11:00 p.m., after the kids had their bath and were put to bed, after dinner had been cooked and the dishes were done, after a massive load of laundry had been washed and put away, as I was settling in to finish another two hours of work I couldn’t get to earlier, it hit me: Yes, it actually is “that hard.”

Like many women, I was carrying a complex jumble of family, work, and societal expectations: to be smart and successful, and also kind and present, and also attractive and “pulled together.” To give 100 percent at work, 100 percent to my family, and 100 percent to my own self-improvement. The math didn’t add up.

For a while, I could juggle all these priorities and pretend to be the person who had it together, but the mask was slipping. I had to face the toughest truth: I couldn’t do it all, and something had to give.

The Burnout Was Already There: Perimenopause Just Broke The Dam

So the math didn't add up. For many - it doesn't matter. Many women share that they've been able to remain functional for years, just out of pure necessity, but that dam starts to crack as perimenopause begins.

For many, this life stage feels like a breaking point. You realize you’ve been carrying too much for too long, and your body has been pleading with you to slow down for years, but now it's finally starting to insist. In my clinical work and in my own personal journey, I've noticed common themes with women at this stage:

1. Hormonal Shifts Make Everything Feel Harder

Perimenopause brings fluctuating estrogen and progesterone levels that affect mood, stress resilience, sleep, and cognitive function. At the same time, higher cortisol levels contribute to feelings of anxiety and the “brain fog” often mentioned as a hallmark of menopause.

You may feel more frazzled, more forgetful, and less emotionally resilient, all of which can make it harder to balance demanding tasks at work and at home. For people who pride themselves on being organized and accomplished, this can feel like becoming a different person for weeks or even months at a time.

2. Perfectionism Sets Us Up to Fail

Many professional women admit to having perfectionist tendencies. While these traits can drive high achievement, they also push us toward unattainable goals, harsh self-criticism, and constant overperformance.

At the very moment when help is most needed, perfectionism makes asking for it feel like failure. Some women even describe “perfection paralysis”—when the need to perform flawlessly stops you from starting at all.

3. The Heavy Burden of the Second Shift and Mental Load

Even with demanding careers, society still expects women to shoulder most parenting, household responsibilities, and emotional labour.

Research shows that women continue to do significantly more unpaid domestic work than men. In a typical week, women average 12.6 hours of housework, compared to men’s 5.7 hours — more than double (The GEPi). Studies also show that women consistently report carrying more of the invisible mental load of planning, anticipating, and organizing (arXiv).

4. Social Media Amplifies Guilt Around Asking for Help

On social media, we’re bombarded with images of “having it all.” In the 1950s, that might have meant a husband, children, and a home. Today, it often means all of that plus a polished career, a beautifully decorated house, high-achieving children, and an enviable social life.

The image of the woman who can do it all looms large — and not living up to it can feel like failure. Research suggests that mothers who spend more time on motherhood-related social media experience higher cortisol output, linked to stress from comparison (PsyPost). Other studies show social media use can both amplify stress and act as a coping tool, depending on how and why it’s used (ScienceDirect).

Stay Tuned

In Part Two, we’ll explore how perfectionism and unspoken expectations combine with hormonal changes to create the perfect storm of perimenopause burnout — and how to begin reclaiming your energy and peace.

Building a New Dam

If the dam is breaking, putting the crack together with glue is just putting off the inevitable. If you're feeling stuck, it might be time to seek professional guidance in building a new, more sustainable approach so that everyone is taken care of - this time, including you.

At Therapy Grove, we work with professional women navigating perimenopause, burnout, and the pressures of “doing it all.” We'd love to meet you and help you make sense of what’s happening and find a way forward that feels more sustainable, compassionate, and real.

Book a Free Consult Call

Works Cited

Barigozzi, Francesca, et al. Beyond Time: Unveiling the Invisible Burden of Mental Load. arXiv, 16 May 2025. arXiv.org, https://arxiv.org/abs/2505.11426.

“Housework Hours Are Still Unequal: Women Do the Majority of Domestic Work.” The Free-Time Gender Gap, The GEPi, 2025, thegepi.org/the-free-time-gender-gap/.

“Women Are Still Doing the Lion’s Share of Housework Years into Their Relationships.” University of Alberta Folio, 6 Jan. 2025, www.ualberta.ca/en/folio/2025/01/women-still-doing-most-of-the-housework.html.

de los Santos, Theresa, et al. “Mothers Who Spend More Time on Social Media

About Motherhood Experience Higher Cortisol Output.” PsyPost, 2025, www.psypost.org/mothers-who-spend-more-time-on-social-media-sites-about-motherhood-experience-higher-stress-hormone-levels-study-finds/.

“Social Media Use, Stress, and Coping.” ScienceDirect, Elsevier, 2022, www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X22000070.

Milkie, Melissa A., et al. “Who’s Doing the Housework and Childcare in America?” SAGE Journals, 2025, doi:10.1177/23780231251314667.

Photo by Drazen Zigic via FreePik