3 Powerful Phrases To Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship

The words they hear today become the voice they carry tomorrow.

Children remember the weirdest things - often it's the stuff we barely even notice. A look. A tone. That moment you said something kind in passing—and that time you turned away in disappointment. Not only do our little ones remember these moments, they use them to form their fundamental expectations of the world and beliefs about themselves¹. No pressure, right?

Here’s the good news: Our kids don't need us to be perfect to grow up as secure human beings, they just need us to be good enough². Here are 3 simple phrases that can help strengthen any parent-child relationship.

1. “Do you know what I like about you?”

Kids are evaluated constantly. They get praised for performance and corrected for missteps, but rarely do they hear reflections on who they are rather than what they do. This phrase is a direct invitation into that space.

When you say, “Do you know what I like about you?”, and follow it up with something specific like “you always notice when someone feels left out” or “you’re the kind of kid who tries really hard even when it's scary”, you're doing more than just complimenting them. You're helping them build a sense of identity.

The voice with which you speak to your children will become the voice with which they speak to themselves.

Research in developmental psychology confirms that children develop self-concept through what is mirrored back to them by caregivers³. When we reflect on their character traits—not just outcomes—they start to internalize those reflections.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist and founder of Good Inside, often says that kids build their inner voice from our outer voice⁴. That means when we tell them they’re thoughtful, brave, creative, or kind, those words don’t just land in the moment—they echo throughout their lives.

2. “I’m so glad you brought that up.”

Let's face it, a lot of parents (myself included) can be terrible listeners. So when your child finally works up the courage to say something difficult, we have a tendency to blow it. We explain, we lecture, we invalidate—thoroughly. And that’s the moment kids decide, consciously or not, that being honest with us isn’t safe.

But when we say, “I’m so glad you brought that up,” and follow up by leaning in with curiosity - we send a radically different message. By validating the act of speaking up, we let them know that the consequence of honesty is empathy and connection.

So the next time your child gathers the courage to tell the truth, take a breath, lean in, and say it: “I’m really glad you told me that.” And then just listen until you can get to a place where you can really adopt their perspective for a moment.

3. “I messed up. I’m sorry.”

Let's face it, every parent blows a fuse at some point. I'm talking about the place where our words are no longer about discipline or setting boundaries - they're driven by our own reactive emotions. It happens to all of us - but our kids don’t need perfect parents, they need parents who own up to their mistakes.

Children naturally internalize conflict. Even if they look like they’re brushing it off, they’re absorbing the energy of the room. When we don’t apologize, they fill in the gaps - unconsciously: “If my parents can treat me like that, I must deserve it.”¹

But when we repair - when we say, “Hey, I messed up there. I’m sorry.”— we tell them that that's not true. They don't deserve wrath or a cold shoulder, people make mistakes and we can own up to them.

Final Thoughts

These three phrases aren’t magic. But they're relational rituals that can transform the quality of your relationship with you children. Say them often enough, and they become the foundation of something your child will carry into adulthood: a sense of being seen, heard, and worthy—exactly as they are.

Need Help Strengthening Your Parent-Child Relationship?

Sometimes, parents fall into a rut - and a couple of new phrases can't turn the ship around. Maybe you're at that point where you can't think of anything that you like about your child. Maybe you're so angry that it would feel insincere to listen with curiosity.

Believe it or not, you're not alone in these hard places. If you're feeling stuck, we hope you'll reach out. At the Therapy Grove, our therapists get it. Without judgement, we'll help you work out whatever's keeping you stuck.

Works Cited

1. Bowlby, John. Attachment and Loss: Volume 1. Attachment. Basic Books, 1982.

2. Winnicott, D. W. The Child, the Family, and the Outside World. Penguin Books, 1964.

3. Siegel, Daniel J., and Mary Hartzell. Parenting from the Inside Out. TarcherPerigee, 2003.

4. Kennedy, Becky. Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Harper Wave, 2022.

5. Siegel, Daniel J., and Tina Payne Bryson. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press, 2011.